


Across the universe

by kellsbells



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Please don't read if it's not your thing, romantic kalex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-08 13:23:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11082471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kellsbells/pseuds/kellsbells
Summary: Set after Kara saves Alex and the aliens from being forcibly deported on the Hoshin freighter in "Exodus". Kara is terrified by how close she came to losing Alex, and Alex is terrified because Kara could have died trying to stop the ship. Alex is beginning to realise that Maggie might not be the person she loves, and Kara is just desperate for Alex to realise how much she has always loved her.





	Across the universe

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has some cheating in it which some readers might prefer to avoid. Also, many thanks to my lovely beta, Splendonia. :)

* * *

 

Alex had nearly ended up on the other side of the galaxy. Kara could still feel the pain in her muscles from stopping a ship with a hyperbolic drive from launching her sister and half of National City’s alien population into space. Mon-El came by and brought food and he tried to be charming and make Kara feel better about losing her job, but Kara had asked him quietly if he could just go. The surprise on his face had been almost comical. She explained to him, sad but certain, that she couldn’t be with him anymore. It had been a mistake for her and she didn’t want him like that. When he finally realised, he called her some insulting names and told her she would be back because he was the only man who could ‘get the job done’.

 

Kara had, somehow, refrained from punching him, simply pushing him out of her apartment with one finger on his chest, despite his struggles. She closed the door in his face and ignored him trying to plead with her through the door. She returned to the window, watching the rain, enjoying the way it blanketed her senses and blocked out a lot of the other sounds of the city. Perhaps that’s why she didn’t hear the door the first time, and why she nearly fell out of the window when Alex touched her shoulder gently.

 

“Hey,” Kara said quietly, and Alex took her hand and pulled her back so she was fully inside the apartment.

 

“Hey yourself, alien girl,” Alex said softly. She’d called Kara that since they were teenagers. “Winn told me what happened with CatCo. I’m so sorry. I know you loved that job.”

 

Kara nodded mechanically. She had loved her job, but in terms of the other things she’d almost lost that day, it felt like nothing. She’d almost lost _Alex._ Alex, who was the only reason she had _ever_ felt at home on earth. Alex, who was her heart and her home. Alex, who loved Maggie, not Kara.

 

“It’s fine. I can find another job,” Kara said.

 

Alex moved around the apartment, getting water from the fridge and some popcorn from a cupboard. Kara popped the corn with her heat vision when Alex held it out to her, and allowed herself to be led to the couch. Alex put something on – some action movie – and sat with her, waiting for Kara to speak. When she didn’t, Alex put her arm around Kara’s shoulder and pulled her close. Kara buried her face in Alex’s shoulder, and Alex kissed her hair gently.

 

“What’s going on, Zor-El?” Alex asked quietly, pulling Kara a little closer.

 

“I nearly lost you,” Kara mumbled.

 

“Yeah. But you didn’t. You did it, Kara. You saved me, and all those aliens. You always do, Kar,” Alex said, smiling.

 

“But I nearly didn’t, Alex. You don’t know how close I came. I’m in pain, Alex. I nearly blew out my powers. If I lost you…”

 

Alex pulled her a little closer still, kissing Kara’s hair again.

 

“You did it, Kara. You saved us. If there ever comes a time when you can’t, then I will always know how hard you tried, Kara.”

 

“That’s not enough, Alex!” Kara exploded, sitting up, grabbing a cushion and puling it to her abdomen. “I can’t… how could I ever carry on without you?”

 

“Kara, you’re strong. You are so strong. If something happens to me, you will be fine. You will carry on. You will still be that same hero you always have been,” Alex said, her face earnest and caring and so, so beautiful.

 

“You don’t understand,” Kara said, squeezing the cushion tightly, her hands fisted in the fabric.

 

“Kara, what’s going on? You seem really rattled. Did Mon-El do something again?” Alex asked.

 

“I broke up with him,” Kara said, shrugging.

 

“You… you just dumped him? Why?” Alex asked, clearly surprised and confused.

 

“He didn’t do anything. I just realised he wasn’t important to me. He was a mistake,” Kara said, shrugging.

 

“Okay. As long as you’re sure,” Alex said, looking puzzled.

 

Alex stayed the night, wrapping herself around Kara comfortingly, sensing, as she almost always did, that Kara needed her.

 

The following morning, Kara didn’t need to get up for work for the first time in three years. It struck her as she turned off her alarm clock, and she suddenly felt sick. Her job at CatCo – first as Cat’s assistant and then as a junior reporter – had been a grounding experience, a place where she could be just Kara Danvers, not Kara the alien or National City’s resident hero. Alex had taken the day off, too. Kara wasn’t sure whether she was happy about that or not. But she was reluctant to be away from Alex after the previous day. She had come so close to losing Alex, to losing her whole world for a second time. So she thanked Rao for the new day and the chance to spend another day under earth’s sun with Alex.

 

***

 

Alex had never been more scared. Kara was right in front of her, trying to push the ship back so it wouldn’t launch them to the other side of the galaxy, looking like a bug on a windshield. Alex’s last-ditch attempt to support her, holding out her hand for Kara, had been borne of panic and the very real fear of being lost in space. But the thing she was most scared of losing was right there in front of her. Kara, with tears dripping down her face. Kara, with terror in her eyes. Kara, who had already lost one world. She couldn’t lose another. Alex almost started shooting at the controls with her shiny new plasma gun, but she couldn’t be sure that it wouldn’t ricochet and kill her instead of stopping the ship.

 

But Kara did it. Kara managed to stop a Hoshin Frigate, a ship the size of a skyscraper, from launching into hyperspace. She had managed to resist the massive thrust of a hyperbolic engine, saving all of them. Alex had never been more frightened or more relieved. Or more proud.

 

It was after they got back to earth that Alex realised the problem. She hadn’t thought once about Maggie when she was about to be launched into the black. She’d only thought about Kara. About losing the incredible woman in front of her. She had worried about Kara losing her whole world, but she hadn’t thought about Maggie at all. That wasn’t a good sign, right?

 

There had always been a thing between them. A thing that they didn’t talk about. They’d ‘practised’ kissing with each other as teenagers. But they’d practised way more than anyone really needed to. More than just kissing. Alex had probably known, back then, that she was gay, but she wasn’t about to acknowledge it, especially not to her mother. Because being the imperfect ‘sister’ of a perfect alien was difficult enough, without adding gay to the list of complications. And time had proved that Kara was straight, or straight enough that she’d fallen in love with James Olsen and then Mon-El. Alex had had her reservations about both men, for different reasons, but she supported Kara because she wanted her to be happy. And what she wanted underneath it all was definitely not on the cards. Kara was happy, Mon-El was here and he was making her happy. But then everything had happened with her father and while she and Kara had tentatively made up after their fight, they hadn’t fully reconciled. It suddenly didn’t matter, though, when she found herself almost catapulted thousands (or maybe millions) of light-years away, with Kara’s life at risk again, and no Alex to fly her pod up and collect her floating body from space. (Alex still had nightmares about the ice on Kara’s eyelashes, the colour of her skin, her eyes, clouded over, open to the emptiness of space. The _quiet._ )

 

“Alex?” Kara muttered groggily, turning to face her. Alex had been spooning her, holding her and trying to comfort her against the fear of losing everything again.

 

“Morning, sunshine,” Alex said, lightly. Kara was way prettier in the morning than anyone had a right to be. And her eyes were so bright, like if a sapphire was spun into a galaxy.

 

“Hey,” Kara said quietly. “Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah!” Alex scoffed. “Why would you even ask that?”

 

“Your heart was racing, Alex. What’s wrong?” Kara asked gently.

 

“I… I was remembering the thing, with Fort Rozz. When you carried it into space. I’ve nearly lost you so many times, Kara. I thought you were going to blow out your powers yesterday with that ship,” Alex admitted.

 

“I almost did,” Kara admitted quietly. “I’ve never been so scared before, Alex. I don’t think there are any other ships on earth that are capable of going as far or as fast as that freighter. I would have searched forever with my pod, but it could have taken decades to find you, Alex – assuming you weren’t just killed when you arrived wherever Jeremiah and Lillian decided to send those aliens. I almost lost you. I know that you’re happy with Maggie and I’m not… I just want you to know that I would have searched for you forever.”

 

“Kara,” Alex breathed, touching Kara’s face gently, watching the tears trickle down her face. “I would have come home. I would have, somehow. I promise that I will always try to be here.”

 

Kara nodded, crying in earnest now, and Alex pulled her closer, stroking her hair and whispering reassurance to her until she stopped crying. Kara drifted off in her arms then, and a little later Alex decided to get up and make some food. She slid out from underneath Kara carefully, padding out into the kitchen to make a stack of pancakes to keep her Kryptonian happy.

 

While she was cooking, she started daydreaming a little, without realising where her thoughts were going. She thought about the weird little imp guy from the 5th dimension, Mr Mxyzptlk, and how he’d dressed Kara in a Vera Wang wedding dress. She wished she’d gotten to see that. Kara was so, so beautiful. In a wedding dress she would have been so stunning. Alex could imagine waiting for her at the end of the aisle, Kal-El giving her away (the less forgiving part of Alex said that Clark had already given Kara away, but those times were long past, and she knew she should forget it) and Eliza standing there proudly, watching her girls get married…

 

That was when her brain short-circuited, with an Ally McBeal-style record scratch. She was daydreaming about marrying _Kara._ She wanted to marry her foster sister. She had a _girlfriend_ , for Christ’s sake. She really needed to get a grip on her feelings.

 

She was still shaken when Kara came out of her bedroom, her sweater askew and her glasses absent. Alex had always loved Kara’s eyes. So blue and so clear, little galaxies swirling around in the iris. One pupil bigger than the other, a little imperfection that Alex adored, for some reason.

 

Jesus. She _had_ to fucking stop thinking this way. She was with Maggie, and she didn’t make commitments like that easily. She cared about Maggie and she wasn’t going to go screwing that up. The idea of Kara and Alex ever being together for real was ridiculous, and it was never going to happen.

 

Kara hugged her, hard, from behind.

 

“Thank you for breakfast,” she breathed, into Alex’s neck, and she shivered involuntarily.

 

“You’re welcome,” Alex said, in a shaky voice, and finished the last pancake. She poured some coffee and gave it to Kara, directing her to the table before grabbing her own breakfast.

 

***

 

They’d had a quiet day, watching Jessica Jones and eating Chinese food. Alex had a few glasses of Scotch and Kara had some Aldebaran rum that Mon-El had left behind at her apartment. There was no intention, on Kara’s side at least, of doing what they did that night. She just wanted to be close to Alex after nearly losing her. She could still feel the pain from the torn muscle fibres, the strain of stopping the spaceship from launching to light speed. She had so nearly lost _everything_.

 

Alex had started talking about Maggie, about how wonderful Maggie had been about leaving them to have sister time together, and Kara had tried to smile. She really had. Maggie was great, and she had – after a small blip at the beginning – treated Alex so incredibly well. But Kara was jealous. She had clenched her fists and her jaw, turning away, and Alex asked her what was wrong.

 

Kara was just drunk enough to answer.

 

“Why her?” she asked brokenly. “Why Maggie? Why was she the one who made you realise… made you come out?”

 

Alex stared at her, and stammered a little, trying to say something, but Kara turned away.

 

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m going to bed, Alex. Maybe you should go home,” Kara said, suddenly cold.

 

“Kara, what the hell do you want from me?” Alex growled.

 

Kara rounded on her, eyes blazing.

 

“I want what I have _always_ wanted, Alex. I want to know why kissing _me_ \- why doing the things we did -wasn’t enough for you to realise you were a lesbian, but when Maggie so much as looks at you, you dive out of the closet. I want to know why I am not enough for you. Why I’m never enough for anyone,” Kara shouted. She stopped, looking surprised at herself, and wrapped her arms around her abdomen, turning away.

 

“You should go,” she repeated, and Alex jumped up, grabbing Kara’s shoulder and spinning her around.

 

“You can’t say things like that, Kara. We should never have done that, you know that we shouldn’t. I’m supposed to protect you and I… we should never have done any of that, Kara,” Alex said, tears in her eyes.

 

Kara looked at her incredulously. And a little angrily.

 

“Alex, I wanted it as much as you did. More. I wanted you so badly. The things that we did – they were my choice. You didn’t take anything from me that I didn’t want to give,” Kara said, and she was almost pleading.

 

“It’s not… it’s not right, Kara,” Alex burst out, tears rolling down her face.

 

“No, Alex. Love is not wrong, no matter what we were supposed to be to each other. You took such good care of me, and I have never felt anything like it, not with anyone,” Kara said, and somehow they were inches away, now, and Kara put her hand on Alex’s face, catching the tears on her thumb. “You always take care of me, Alex,” she said, and Alex closed her eyes. Even Kara’s Kryptonian ears didn’t catch what she said to herself, but then they were kissing, hard and bruising. Wet, hot kisses that burned Kara from the inside out.

 

It was just as passionate as their ‘practice’ from before, but different because they were both older, both more experienced. But it was lovemaking, and Kara relished every single minute they spent in bed that night and the following morning. Alex had learned some moves, presumably from Maggie – something Kara didn’t really want to think about – but she definitely had to commend the woman for teaching Alex to do that thing with her tongue and fingers simultaneously that made Kara’s vision blaze white. She would need to repair the damage her heat vision did to the ceiling, she thought idly, as she almost passed out from bliss.

 

It was a little later, past midday, when Kara woke again. She was alone this time. She sighed, exasperated. It was to be expected, she knew, because Alex always _ran._ As soon as things got difficult, she ran. She hid and she regrouped and then she made her move, whatever it might be. So Kara left her to her brooding. She knew that things would come to a head one way or another. Alex might be many things, but a liar wasn’t one of them. She wouldn’t be able to lie to Maggie. Kara felt horrible about that part of things – about sleeping with Alex when she was with someone else. It was something she’d never seen herself doing, but something had made it inevitable. Alcohol or poor judgement or just the crushing terror of almost losing the one person who connected her to this planet, this planet that wasn’t even her home. The person that had seen how lost she was when Kal-El just dumped her at the Danvers’, the person who’d talked her through the emergence of her powers, the person who’d guided her and loved her without restraint for all of her years on earth. How could she not love Alex with everything in her?

 

Kara spent a quiet few days sending out resumés, going for lunch with Lena Luthor and Winn and James (who apologised profusely for not being able to block Snapper’s decision to fire her; Snapper had said it was Kara or him, and he was the more valuable employee). She kept herself busy and she didn’t contact Alex because she knew it was best to leave her to think, to make her own decisions. Kara had already made her choice, and she’d made it as clear as she knew how to. It was up to Alex, now.

 

There was a brawl at the docks involving several different species who were fighting over a shipment of delicacies from somewhere halfway across the galaxy. Kara was tempted to have a look inside the shipment herself, to see if there was any food or drink in there that she might have had on Krypton, but she decided to just break it up, instead. The aliens reluctantly gave up the contents of the shipment to NCPD – thankfully Maggie didn’t appear, because Kara was pretty sure she would never be looking Maggie in the eye ever again – and then, just as Kara was about to say goodbye to Brian (who was somehow always involved in any skeevy business in this part of town) she felt a burning pain in the centre of her back, another in her leg, one in her arm… and then nothing.

 

***

 

Alex knew leaving was the wrong decision. She had known that when she went to Stanford without acknowledging what they had been to each other for all those months before she left. Kara was too good for her, too much of a pure soul. She deserved better than Alex. Alex had killed people, had killed aliens, too, in her quest to ensure that Kara was always protected. If Kara knew what she’d done in her time at the DEO? She’d hate her. Not to mention that they still hadn’t even talked about the way Alex had treated Kara during Jeremiah’s brief return. Kara had just forgiven her, no apologies needed. Kara deserved better than Alex. But she’d made it pretty clear now that Alex was what she wanted, that she wouldn’t allow Alex to say no – at least not because Alex found herself inadequate. Kara found her more than adequate, and that was that.

 

But then there was Maggie. Sweet, caring, beautiful Maggie. Maggie had helped her realise one of the most important things about herself. That she wasn’t broken or wrong. She had just been trying to be intimate with the wrong people. Men were not her thing, and that was okay. But Kara had made a really good point. Why had it taken Maggie to get Alex out of the closet, when she’d already been so intimate with Kara? Sure, they’d never exactly had sex, but they’d done everything else, and it had been the most amazing thing that Alex had ever felt. The answer, of course, was that Alex had repressed that memory so fucking hard, had stuffed it down deep, along with Vickie Donahue and Sarah Winslow and all of the other women who had ever made Alex feel that _pull_ in her chest. Alex had made sure it was buried deep, and it had taken Maggie’s gentle insistence to drag her out of the closet. Maybe if Kara hadn’t been so hurt, so rejected, when Alex went away to Stanford and her life spiralled out of control, maybe then she could have persuaded Alex that they could have a relationship. But Kara was hurt, Alex was spiralling, and that night was buried under a pile of empty bottles of Scotch and occasional pills and academic probation and DUIs and DEO training. Alex had ignored it successfully and would probably have continued to do so, had she not been so close to being lost on the other side of the galaxy. If she hadn’t thought Kara was going to blow out her powers and then be disintegrated by the hyperbolic field that surrounded the ship and would destroy a non-powered body in an instant.

 

It had taken Alex a day to get up the courage to tell Maggie what had happened. They met in the bar, the bar that had become ‘their’ place to just be together, to play pool and drink and to even eat some of the weird alien foods that Darla was always trying to sell.

 

“So, what is it, Alex? You sounded pretty freaked out on the phone,” Maggie said, looking at her in concern.

 

Alex flushed in shame. She didn’t deserve Maggie’s sympathy.

 

“I… Maggie. I screwed up,” Alex managed, after a moment. Maggie reached over and covered Alex’s hand with hers. It was an effort for Alex not to rip her hand away, not to scream that Maggie shouldn’t touch her because she was fucking _poison_.

 

“Alex. You can talk to me. Whatever it is, we can handle it,” Maggie said, sweetly. She was so understanding and sweet and Alex wanted to rip her own heart out and lay it on the table as a sacrifice.

 

“Maggie. Don’t. Please don’t be nice to me. I screwed up. I…”

 

Maggie moved away from her a little, her eyes widening.

 

“What did you do?” she asked, and there was no smile now, no dimples, no caring expression. She knew what was coming.

 

“I cheated on you, Maggie,” Alex said, in a whisper. She didn’t dare look up, because she was a fucking coward.

 

“You… you cheated on me. With who?” Maggie asked, after a minute, her voice deadly calm.

 

“I… I can’t tell you that. It’s… you won’t understand,” Alex said, and this time she looked up. Maggie was pale, her face drained of colour, a mask of pain.

 

“You slept with Kara,” she stated flatly.

 

“How did you… why would you say that?” Alex asked, in complete confusion.

 

“It could only be her. You love her so much, there’s no-one else that holds that kind of place in your heart except for J’onn and your parents. So it could only be her. Is this… did it happen before, before us, I mean?” Maggie asked. She was eerily calm, now.

 

Alex took a deep breath, choking back a sob. “Almost. Before I left, to go to Stanford. I… I shouldn’t have. We shouldn’t have. But we did some things together way back then, and then she nearly died in space, and I nearly ended up on the other side of the Milky Way, and I guess things just got out of hand. I didn’t mean for it to happen, Maggie. I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”

 

Somehow she ended up leaning forward with her head in Maggie’s lap, and Maggie was soothing her, running her hands through Alex’s hair and murmuring soothing nonsense as Alex sobbed. Maggie eventually took Alex outside, driving her home in her squad car. When they arrived at Alex’s apartment, the police radio in the car squawked to life with an attempted kidnapping in progress. An attempted kidnapping of Supergirl.

 

“MotherFUCK!” Maggie swore, before taking off at breakneck speed to the location of the incident. It took them ten minutes to get to the docks, finding a full-on gun battle happening, DEO agents and CADMUS agents fighting, with a group of terrified aliens seemingly caught in the middle.

 

Alex was losing it. This was it, this was what she deserved. Kara would be taken away like her dad and then she’d never see her again, never get to explain why she’d been so mad, never get to kiss her again, and it would be her fault. She could hear herself starting to hyperventilate.

 

“Goddammit Danvers, get your fucking shit together. This is fucking Supergirl. We are not losing Supergirl to CADMUS, do you hear me?” Maggie barked, slapping her cheek once.

 

Alex blinked at her, nodding, and pulling out her backup piece, she exited the car with Maggie flanking her. She got her breath under control as quickly as she could. They took down two CADMUS guys who had their backs to the street, freeing up more agents to take on the others.

 

“Where is Supergirl?” Alex demanded, grabbing the comms from a downed agent quickly and identifying herself.

 

“They took her down near the docks, Ma’am. They’re trying to get her out by air or boat, we think. They’re going all out, Ma’am.” The calm voice in her ear was Vasquez. Alex breathed out a sigh of relief.

 

“Vasquez, what’s your 20?” she asked, and followed the woman’s directions, taking out a few Cadmus agents with her gun, tactical knife or her fists, Maggie following and taking out the outliers. She found Vasquez, who was carrying Alex’s plasma handgun in one of her vest pockets.

 

“Thanks, Vas. Is the cyborg here?” Alex asked.

 

“Yes Ma’am. He’s got Supergirl and has been dragging her out towards the transport, whatever it is, but we’ve got him pinned down for now. None of our weapons seem to be having much of an effect on him,” Vasquez said, looking worried.

 

“You got that black box thingie that Winn’s been working on?” Alex asked, thinking quickly. An EMP should shut down the cyborg long enough for them to retrieve Supergirl, at least. She took a second to hope that her dad wasn’t on the wrong end of this conflict yet again. The idea of him in a cell was better than having to face him over the barrel of a gun again.

 

“He’s getting it ready right now, Ma’am,” Vasquez confirmed.

 

“How long?” Alex asked. Vasquez barked something into her comms and then turned.

 

“Two minutes, Ma’am. But the cyborg just took out two more agents. We can’t contain him,” Vasquez confirmed, as squawks of alarm and calls of “Agent down” came over the comms.

 

“Shit. We better get to it. You got any grenades, Vas?”

 

Vasquez nodded, pulling several different types from her pockets. Alex tucked them away in her own.

 

“Maggie, you with me?” Alex asked.

 

“Ride or die, Danvers,” Maggie said, shaking her head as if in disbelief. Alex nodded.

 

She took off towards the sound of heavy gunfire, finding ‘Cyborg Superman’ hiding behind a dumpster. He was using it as cover to move away. Alex put paid to that pretty quickly by throwing a flash grenade that burned at an extremely high temperature, melting any rubber or plastic in the vicinity – like that used on the dumpster wheels. He wouldn’t find it so easy to move once it was half melded to the floor.

 

He did manage to half-move it, but clearly gave up, since he was also dragging Kara’s limp body with him. He tried to move out from behind the dumpster, to run for cover, but Alex gave the order for continuous fire while she moved closer, Maggie as always right behind her. She found cover behind a metal bin of some sort and then took careful aim, shooting Henshaw/the cyborg in the foot using armour-piercing rounds. He fell to the ground, still behind the dumpster, but Alex had wounded him now. She kept firing, trying for a lucky shot to ricochet and hit him from underneath the dumpster, but nothing took. Then she heard Winn yelling something along the lines of ‘Yippee Kay Yay’ and she was already moving, already almost there when she saw the cyborg fall back, dropping Kara unceremoniously. Kara who was unconscious; Kara who was bleeding profusely.

 

Alex took a second to turn and carefully aim before throwing several grenades into the helicopter that was slowly ascending, taking Henshaw with it. She didn’t keep looking to check if he made it or not. She didn’t care. She ignored the triple explosion behind her in favour of helping Kara.

 

Alex checked Kara over quickly, calling for a medical transport right away. With Maggie’s help, she turned Kara’s body over, finding three gunshot wounds – one to her back, one in her leg, one on her arm. Alex pulled out her pocketknife and dug out the bullets from the arm and leg wounds quickly, trying not to think about this body, Kara’s body, being so hurt when she had worshipped it so reverently herself only a day or so before.

 

“Where’s that fucking transport?!” Alex yelled, right before she heard the chopper blades as it approached. She put pressure on the wound in Kara’s back. The bullet was in too deep, too close to the heart and all those major vessels. She couldn’t just take it out with a pocketknife.

 

She didn’t realise she was crying until they were in the chopper, her hands still pushing down, putting pressure on the wound that was still bleeding way too much.

 

“She’s gonna be fine, Alex,” Maggie murmured, wiping Alex’s face tenderly. Alex stared at her, and Maggie fell silent.

 

Eight hours. Eight hours of surgery, Dr Hamilton sending out an agent to report every now and then. Kara’s biology was different from that of a human, but her circulatory system was similar. The architecture a little different, but close enough for jazz, or so Alex’s xenobiology instructor from the DEO had always said. The main artery that supplied Kara’s body with oxygen was intact, but the tangle of vessels near her heart and lungs had been damaged by the bullet. They were able to repair the damage, but there was no telling if Kara would ever recover, or what might have happened to her brain in the meantime. Oxygen deprivation could destroy a Kryptonian’s brain just as easily as it could a human’s. Just because the cells would regenerate didn’t mean that the person would return with them.

 

“She’s Kryptonian, and she might be able to survive this, Alex. But there was no oxygen going to her brain for a long time – we’re not sure how long, actually. Your guess is probably better than mine, now. She’s in the sunbed resting,” Dr Hamilton said, once the surgery was done.

 

Alex felt something inside of her break. Kara had Kryptonite inside her while she was bleeding out. The chances of her body regenerating, the chance of there being no brain damage – it was more or less impossible. Alex had done enough studying of the Kryptonian anatomy to know that.

 

“It’s gonna be okay, Alex. I swear. It’s gonna be okay.” Maggie was holding her and Alex was sobbing in her arms again and it was just all wrong. Alex had fucked up and now Kara was paying the price.

 

“It should have been me. I did this,” she grated out.

 

“Don’t you dare fucking say that,” Maggie yelled, stunning Alex. “She went there to break up a fucking fight over alien _food_ , Alex, and CADMUS ambushed her. It’s their fault, not yours. It’s nothing to do with whatever is happening between us, or between you and Kara. Yeah. You fucked up, Alex, but it was you AND Kara. You both made the choice. And if she does die, Alex, at least she got to be with the woman she loves. So don’t you dare say it should have been you. It shouldn’t have been anyone, but that’s the fucking job we all do here. So just get a fucking grip, okay? She’s in there, and she needs you. Come on.”

 

Maggie stood, offering a hand to Alex, who followed her wordlessly, allowing herself to be led by the hand like a child.

 

Kara was too small, surrounded by pillows and even stuffed toys, a gesture from her DEO colleagues. She never failed to charm people, something that Alex could never do. But Kara could, and did. Hank was sitting next to her, holding her hand, a frown on his face. They made jokes about him being their space dad, but now, especially after everything that had happened with Jeremiah, they were as close as family. Closer, in some ways. They faced death together on what felt like a daily basis.

 

Hank reached over wordlessly and took Alex’s free hand in his. Alex was smoothing Kara’s hair away from her face, looking at her too pale skin, at the blood crusted at the corners of her lips.

 

“She lost a lot of blood. They don’t know if…” Alex trailed off.

 

“I know,” Hank said. “Maggie. Thank you for being here.”

 

“Nowhere else I’d rather be, J’onn,” Maggie said, and to Alex’s surprise, she seemed to mean it. But then that was a puzzle for another day. Now, Alex had to be here for Kara. And if this was it, then she would take Kara’s pod and she would pilot it to Rao herself. Kara wasn’t leaving her behind.

 

Hank frowned at her, as if catching the flavour of her thoughts, but she just looked at Kara again, praying to Rao, to anyone, that she would live, that she would be okay.

 

Alex fell asleep listening to the sound of Kara’s too-slow breathing, and she slipped into a dream world that she immediately knew was Krypton, based on the quality of the light. It was the same as the light on Slaver’s Moon, the light of a red sun. She was in bed, looking out a window at a futuristic landscape. She sat up and suddenly Kara was sitting on the bed beside her, touching her face gently. She was wearing a robe similar to the one she’d been wearing when she arrived on earth, this one a light gray with the crest of the House of El on the chest.

 

“Alex? Are you okay? You were out for a long time,” Kara said, and though she couldn’t say how, Alex knew that Kara was speaking in Kryptonese.

 

“I’m fine,” Alex said, her consciousness fading as she was pulled further into the dream. “What happened?”

 

“You were sparring with Astra and you got distracted. She knocked you on your ass,” Kara said, with a grin. “But then you didn’t get up, and we realised you had a concussion. Puny humans,” she said, laughing.

 

“Screw you, Kryptonian. I can take you any day of the week,” Alex said, her eyebrow rising challengingly.

 

“You can take me any time you want, Alexandra Danvers,” Kara said, and suddenly she was flirting heavily, biting her bottom lip in that way that drove Alex crazy.

 

“You are a terrible, terrible flirt, Kara Zor-El,” Alex said, and Kara put a finger on her lips.

 

“Not after tomorrow. I’ll be Kara Zor-El Danvers, then,” Kara said, and Alex felt herself smiling widely. Tomorrow they were to be pair-bonded before Rao, and then they were flying to earth for their honeymoon. Alex was looking forward to seeing her parents again. When Kara first landed on earth, the Danvers had taken her in to hide her from Zod’s armies. When it was time for Kara to return to Krypton, Alex had gone with her, unable to be parted from the Kryptonian who had stolen her heart. It had been almost ten years since that day, and while she had spoken to her parents using intergalactic video communication technology, it wasn’t the same.

 

_You see?_

There was a whispering in her ears, and Alex looked around for the source of it.

 

_Love doesn’t have limits, Alex. She may be your foster sister but that’s not all she is._

Alex’s head began to hurt, and she looked around desperately, trying to find the source of the whispers. She began to hear a high-pitched noise and her vision swam.

 

“Alex? What’s wrong, _zrhueiao_?” Kara asked frantically.

 

“I… I’m not allowed, you’re my sister, Kara!” Alex said, wondering where the words came from. They had never been sisters. There houses were joined almost immediately upon Kara’s arrival on Earth, albeit via comm-link.

 

“No matter what we are called, or by whom, we are meant to be together,” Kara said, still looking frantic, trying to pull Alex back into her.

 

“But they’ll hate me. They’ll say I hurt you, I corrupted you. It’s wrong, Kara,” Alex said.

 

“Love is not wrong, Alex. Please. Don’t leave me. I love you,” Kara said, and there was desperation in her eyes, now.

 

Alex’s head flared with pain, and Kara pulled her close and kissed her forehead, her tears falling on Alex’s face.

 

“Please don’t leave me, love. I love you so much,” Kara said, into Alex’s hair.

 

Alex’s heart stuttered in her chest. She loved Kara more than her own life. She could never leave her.

 

“I… I love you, Kara,” she said, taking a deep, even breath. “I love you with all that I am. I will never, ever leave you.”

 

Kara drew back to look at Alex, smiling widely, her eyes still full of tears.

“I love you, _zrhueiao_. I love you with all that I am. I cannot wait to have children with you, to grow old and grey and wrinkled like your raisins. I love your temper and your stubbornness and your strength and grace. I love you,” Kara repeated.

 

Alex kissed her, and Kara gasped into her mouth, kissing back as if she was drowning and Alex was the oxygen she needed to breathe.

 

“I love you, so much,” Alex murmured, after they stopped to take a breath, to touch one another reverently.

 

They made love, bodies glistening with sweat, dappled in crimson from Rao’s light, whispering words of love to one another. Alex fell asleep with Kara wrapped up in her arms, with her head on Alex’s chest. She couldn’t think of a time when she’d been more at peace, when she’d been happier.

***

 

Alex woke with a start, finding herself with her head in someone’s lap. Maggie. Alex sat up quickly, apologising when she found Maggie watching her silently.

 

“I’m so sorry, I… how’s Kara?” Alex blurted.

 

“No change. There was some drama when you were asleep, but she made it through.”

 

“Thank you. For staying. You didn’t have to,” Alex said, quietly. She stood and went to look at Kara, who was unmoving, still on the sunbed. There seemed to be more equipment around her, now. Presumably from the “drama” Maggie had mentioned.

 

“I know. Alex, I… obviously, we can’t stay together after this. But I still love you. I didn’t stop because of what you and Kara did,” Maggie said.

 

Alex winced.

 

“I’m so sorry, Maggie. I never thought I would ever do anything like this. I…”

 

“You love her, Alex. It doesn’t excuse it, but I understand. I mean, I want to hate you, but I can’t. I know how much she means to you, and how much you mean to her. I just didn’t realise it went so deep. If anyone understands your situation, it’s me. Or any queer person, really. You fell in love with someone who you weren’t supposed to. I get it,” Maggie said.

 

Alex turned to look at her, incredulous.

 

“How can you… I slept with someone else, Maggie. It’s… you can’t just forgive that,” Alex said.

 

“I get to decide what I forgive and what I don’t, Alex. And I never said I forgave you. I just said I understand. And I broke up with you, so you can take that as your punishment if you need it. But if Kara makes it – don’t you dare tell her you can’t be with her, Alex. If it was worth throwing us away for, then it’s worth whatever else might happen – any weirdness or freakouts from friends or family or whatever. Just… be strong, Alex, for her,” Maggie said.

 

As Maggie stopped speaking, Alex still staring at her in disbelief, one of the monitors around Kara’s bed started beeping urgently, then another, and another. The room was suddenly filled with medics, and Alex’s heart was stuttering along with the machines. She couldn’t breathe. Kara was… she couldn’t really die, could she?

 

A few seconds later, the medics stepped back, the monitors still screaming warnings. Alex wanted to yell at them but then she realised that Kara was sitting up. Kara. Kara was awake, alive.

 

“Alex,” she said, turning her head to look for her.

 

“I’m here. I’m here,” Alex said, pushing the medics aside and pulling Kara into her arms. “I’m here.”

 

“Don’t leave me. Please,” Kara murmured.

 

“I won’t. Ever. I love you,” Alex said, hearing Maggie clearing out the medics quietly behind them.

 

After a moment, Alex drew back from the embrace, still holding on to Kara’s upper arms.

 

“Are you okay?” she asked, checking Kara over carefully.

  
“Yeah,” Kara said, nodding. “I have my powers. I feel fine, like nothing happened. Was it Cadmus?”

 

“Yes. Hank Henshaw tried to take you away; God knows what they had planned this time.”

 

“She saved you,” Maggie said, from behind Alex.

 

Kara looked over at Maggie, frowning.

 

“What?”

 

“Alex. She saved you. She rescued you from that cyborg asshole and she’s been here ever since, waiting for you to wake. I know what happened with you two, Kara, and I’m not happy about it, okay? But I’m not going to stand in your way. I’m gonna go, now. If you need me, Alex, I’m still here as a friend. Don’t mess this up, you guys,” Maggie said. She touched Alex’s shoulder gently before leaving the room, Kara and Alex both staring after her.

 

“She is… I’m so sorry, Alex. She’s amazing. I’m so sorry I got in the way of that. You can go, if you want,” Kara said.

 

“I’m not going anywhere,” Alex said. “I meant what I said. I’m not leaving.”

 

There was no way she was going anywhere. She’d really thought Kara was dead, this time. The way Cyborg Superman was dragging her limp body, the sheer amount of blood? She’d thought there was no chance of Kara surviving. She felt so bad about Maggie, but somehow the woman herself had made it seem better. Like what she and Kara had done wasn’t the worst thing a person could do to another person they were intimate with.

 

***

 

It had been six months. Six long months of recriminations, of lost friends. (James Olsen had moved back to Metropolis, unable to get over Kara falling in love with her foster sister. He’d called them sick. Alex broke his nose.) Eliza had tried to pull Alex away from Kara, tried to talk to her and tell her she had no right to pull Kara into this ‘lifestyle,’ of hers. Kara refused to let Alex go, refused to let Eliza hold Alex responsible for actions that they had both taken, decisions they had both made. Eliza came round after a long talk with Maggie, of all people. Maggie was one of their best friends, unaccountably. She’d forgiven them more or less straightaway, despite how much they’d hurt her.

 

“Life’s short, Danvers squared. You have to kiss the girls you want to kiss. I understand that better than most. But I swear to Rao, Alex, if you don’t make me your best man at this bonding ceremony, we’re gonna have a problem.”

 

Alex just smiled. No matter what else happened in her life, she’d never stop being grateful for Maggie Sawyer. They still worked together as partners and hung out at the alien bar. They were still friends and that friendship was incredibly precious to Alex, especially because she knew she didn’t deserve it.

 

“You know you’re going to be her best man. Just like Lena’s going to stand up for me. And Jeremiah and J’onn are walking us both down the aisle. Or, walking us the four feet to the dais where the crystals are, anyway,” Kara said, hitting Maggie with her hundred megawatt smile.

 

“You better,” Maggie grumbled, and Kara disappeared at high speed, coming back a few seconds later with a burger and another beer.

 

“Don’t let M’gann see you doing that, Kara,” Alex whispered, as Maggie’s eyes lit up.

 

“Kara! You’re the best! How did you know I was hangry?” Maggie asked.

 

“I’m the queen of hangry, Maggie. You should know this by now,” Kara said, and Maggie fist bumped her before attacking her burger. It was almost as bad as watching Kara eat, like watching a lion ripping into an antelope on the Serengeti. Alex stared, open-mouthed, and Kara giggled at her.

 

“What? I’ve never seen anyone eat like that, other than you, and you’re literally from outer space, Kara!” Alex protested. Kara giggled even louder, and Maggie grumbled around a mouthful of heat-visioned beef patty.

 

Their bonding ceremony was in a month, and Alex knew that Kara was so excited she was ready to take off. Alex was, too. Since her dream about living on Krypton with Kara, her dream about Kara becoming her bond-mate, she’d been unable to let go of the idea. She’d raised the idea of it with Kara on their 2-month anniversary and, to her astonishment, found that Kara had shared that dream while she was unconscious after Cyborg Superman’s attempted abduction. Alex didn’t want to think through the implications of that, so she just thanked Rao quietly and went on with her life. Her excitement never waned, though, and she couldn’t wait to be standing in the fortress of solitude, holding Kara’s hand and exchanging bracelets (and rings; they wanted to honour both traditions) so that they could be together forever in the eyes of Rao.

 

“You know what? I’ve been thinking about something. You know if you guys hadn’t slept together that night, after the whole spaceship thing, and then Kara hadn’t almost died, the three of us wouldn’t be sitting here,” Maggie said, suddenly. Alex flushed, still ashamed that she would ever cheat on anyone, let alone someone as caring as Maggie. Maggie reached out a hand and put it on top of Alex’s comfortingly. “Don’t be crazy, Danvers. I’m not mad. I’m just pointing something out. If that hadn’t happened, you and I might still be together, and Kara might have gone back to Mon-El, and god only knows what would have happened after all that. I mean, we all got hurt back then, one way or another, but now things are so good, I couldn’t picture them any other way, you know?” Maggie said, philosophically. She smiled, then, her eyes crinkling up in that way that Alex had always found so adorable.

 

“You know, Sawyer, I don’t know how I ever got this lucky, to have you in my life even after everything,” Alex said, with tears in her eyes. Kara squeezed her hand tightly, and when Alex turned to look at her, she saw that Kara’s eyes were overflowing, too.

 

“Ride or die, Danvers. El Mayarah, right? That’s what we do for each other.”

 

“Yeah. Ride or die,” Alex said, taking Maggie’s hand and squeezing it.

 

“Danvers, are you making a move on my girl?” a strident voice asked from behind them. Alex turned to see Lucy Lane mock-glaring at them all, hands on her hips.

 

“Yeah, sorry ‘bout that, Director Lane,” Alex said, saluting her superior officer with two fingers. Lucy glared a little harder.

 

“You know, I could have you put in a cell where no-one would ever find you, Danvers. And I believe you have somewhere to be in a month, so watch that attitude, okay?” Lucy said, sliding into the booth next to Maggie and kissing her. “Missed you, babe.”

 

“You too,” Maggie murmured, smiling at Lucy like she was her whole world.

 

It was shortly after James moved away that Lucy came back from her shadowy assignment (which turned out to have been off-world) and came back to National City with the sole intent of ripping one Alex Danvers a new one. James had called her, making out that Alex had tricked or guilted Kara into a relationship, somehow, and Lucy came back all guns blazing, ready to defend Kara from Alex’s less-than-honourable intentions. What she found was two women so sickeningly in love that even Alex’s ex hadn’t been able to stay mad at her, and had become one of the couple’s closest friends. And then Lucy started to fall in love with that ex, and the rest was history.

 

“You know, I spoke to James the other day,” Lucy said, conversationally, as she stole a few of Maggie’s fries.

 

“You did? Is he okay?” Kara asked. She was incredibly upset by James’ rejection of their relationship, but Alex couldn’t care less. If he wanted to treat Kara that way, then it was his loss. Kara was worth… anything. And if he couldn’t see that? More fool him.

 

“He’s fine, Kara. Clark and Lois have been talking to him, and now that he knows they’re in support of your bonding, he’s starting to come round. He actually told me that he was sorry for what he’d said to you,” Lucy said.

 

“That’s all very well but he needs to tell Kara he’s sorry, not you,” Alex said immediately. She couldn’t stand Kara being hurt, and James had hurt her more than anyone. Even Winn, who’d once been so in love with Kara that he’d kissed her and embarrassed himself horribly, had been sweet and supportive of Kara and Alex’s relationship.

 

“That’s what I told him,” Lucy said, rolling her eyes at Alex’s overprotectiveness. “And he will.”

 

“Wow. I didn’t think he’d ever come round,” Kara said, sitting back, looking stunned.

 

“I keep telling you, Kara. Once people meet you, it’s really hard not to love you. Even James was always going to realise he still wanted you in his life,” Alex said, lifting Kara’s hand to her lips and kissing her knuckles.

 

“Scary Danvers speaks the truth,” Lucy said, nodding sagely. Alex shot her a filthy look.

 

Later that same day, Kara and Alex were in their apartment, making love so slowly and reverently that Alex felt like she was going to pass out with the depth of her need. Kara was between her legs, her blonde hair spread out across Alex’s thighs. She was a beautiful sight, as always.

 

When Alex came, what felt like an hour later, she collapsed in a boneless heap. Kara was wrapped around her, kissing her neck and shoulder as she came down from the afterglow.

 

“I love you, Alex Danvers,” she whispered.

 

“I love you too, alien girl. I can’t wait until we’re bonded,” Alex said dreamily.

 

“Me either, _zrhueiao_ ,” Kara said sleepily. Alex heard her breathing even out and, before she followed her bonded into the dark, she sent out a prayer to Rao, to Jesus, to any god who cared to listen, a prayer of joy and gratitude for sending this woman to her across the frozen wasteland of space. Alex would never be able to thank them enough for the life she has been gifted, but she made a vow there and then that she would spend the rest of her life trying.


End file.
